By the time you read this … every single PlattFormer will be gorging themselves silly at the Annual Company Picnic. And, then playing a series of outdoor games that require slightly more coordination and motor skills than Britney’s VMA performance.

It’s a festive and yet somewhat forgettable event that’s nowhere near as chaotic and haphazard as, say, PForm’s Annual Holiday Smackdown.

Now, despite the fact that said Smackdown is still MONTHS away, people have already starting clamoring about upcoming details. I always say the same thing: “People, please … let the Party Planning Committee do our work to the best of our ability.” And, then I usually smack them upside the head with my magic wand.

It has taken YEARS to claw my way to the upper echelon of the Party Planning Committee. But now that I’m there … I’m not going to relinquish my title any time soon. Planning a party for over 300 people is not easy work, mind you.

First, there has to be a theme. PFormers LOVE their themes. They typically can’t function unless they know exactly what to expect. Second, there has to be an unlimited supply of booze. I’m no fool … 96% of the employees here are under 25. And third, there always has to be a voice of reason (and subsequent cab fares). In this case, it’s usually COO Steve Booth … the mature, non-drinking, credit-card holding, elder statesman who can make you feel insubordinate just by saying hello.

Put those three elements together … and magic happens. And, by magic, I mean, no one has been arrested. Yet.

PlattForm wingdings are legendary around here. Other than Disneyland, they are the happiest places on Earth. If you ever get a chance to crash one, I’d highly suggest it. Just remember three things: 1) stick with the evenings theme, 2) eat as much as you possibly can without anyone noticing you don’t work here and 3) do not make eye contact with the bald man wearing a “HELLO, MY NAME IS STEVE” nametag.

Now, if you’ll excuse me … I’ve got to scoot. I’m refereeing the “GNIP-GNOP DEATHMATCH” tournament at the picnic … and there can only be one winner.