So, I decided to do it … I’m going green! First, I am tossing my iPod. Then, kicking out the television – NBC presented such a strong argument a few weeks back with their whole ‘Green week’ push that I’ve become convinced the old tube is sucking up far too much power. (They even made their little logo green to show their dedication to the cause!) Throwing away the laptop too – it doesn’t really work anyway.

I’m also resolving to never fly anywhere, ever again. You see, according to the UK’s Environmental Transport Association (ETA), flying creates an Eco-normous carbon footprint, even when compared to the utterly destructive tendencies of my four-door sedan:

“Just one return flight from London to New York produces a greater carbon footprint than a whole year’s personal allowance needed to keep the climate safe.” (“Air Travel’s Impact on Climate Change” www.eta.co.uk)

I’m also working on exhaling a lot less often, since we all know that this is also a fairly irresponsible, carbon-emitting habit. In just one year of normal, selfish breathing patterns, each of us will add a net 290kg of Co2 into the atmosphere, just by exhaling! (www.Buzzle.com)

I’d like to take a moment to personally thank Al ‘Captain Planet’ Gore for helping me see that the Amish have had it right this whole time. I mean, they’ve been in on the whole organic farming scene for a minute. They don’t like cars all that much – and they definitely know how to ride a mean bicycle. As far as electricity, they just don’t dig it.

Lately, Captain Gore has been zipping around the globe (and back again) with his shiny new agenda of saving the Earth. He has seen the (or some sort of) light, and he has come out guns-a-blazin’ over this here earth – informing anyone who will listen that things are heating up faster than Kevin Bacon’s pits in the final scene of Footloose, and its time we take action!

Funny thing about this whole “becoming responsible for your own carbon footprint” thingy is that the Captain himself may be responsible for a larger footprint than most of us, at least in terms of the statistics. See, Mr Gore cannot be expected to be held accountable for those private jet trips he most assuredly makes on a weekly basis. This must be seen as mere collateral damage, rather than a selfish lifestyle choice. See, it’s only selfish when you or I, the normal Americans, make such decisions. The kind of decisions that we most likely make as a direct result of watching too many advertisements, such as those aired on NBC, enticing us to consume more, buy bigger cars, and generally just destroy the earth as quickly and selfishly as possible.

Sure, Mr Gore may have had a few years, er … 8 years in the White House to tackle this seemingly life-or-death, exploding planet, Armageddon of an issue – but really, he was only VP. We couldn’t have expected much from the guy. Sure, he probably had loads of connections, and the ability to make more substantial change than his feature presentation, An Inconvenient Truth, but sometimes you just have to stand up and let people know that you have something important to say! And if you make a little change on the side … well, that’s just Mother Nature’s way of saying, thanks Al!

But I do have to wonder … is it possible that saving the planet is like the prom date he’s settling for only because his first, more Presidential choice turned him down? Well, even still, he has certainly found a way to put his face back onto the celebrity stage. And I have to say, he seems pretty happy to be there, especially for a guy who is handing out such dreadful news. I mean, the whole place is burning up, going to hell in a hand basket, and he’s smiling, shaking hands … looking oddly Presidential.

He may not have invented the Internet, but maybe Al ‘Captain Planet’ Gore can do the next best thing, and bring “bring pollution down to zero.”