I held auditions for new talent on Friday.  That’s typically par for the course about two or three times a year.  Rarely, do I ever have a cattle call for actors unless I’m desperate to find new talent for commercials.  That’s what directors/casting people like me do.  People traipse in off the street in … put on a smiley-face … and overact to the point of ad-nausea.  If only everyone could be like that, the world would be a much better place.

I’m just sayin’.

By 9am, the studio was overrun with pretty people rehearsing their lines.  At approximately 9:05 am, I was reaching to grab a script and sneezed.  And promptly threw out my back.  Mind you, this wasn’t just a slight tweak in my lower lumbar.  This was a complete, uncontrollable spasm that made me do a face-plant directly in to the floor.  I folded like a cheap card table.  I dropped like a sack of potatoes.  I collapsed like Enron.  Oh, you get the idea.

You haven’t really lived until you’ve had pretty people come to your rescue.  Some (including my crew) thought I was having a heart attack.  Others thought I had a stroke.  Most, however, assumed I was just another actor practicing for a dramatic reading.  But there I was curled up in the fetal position and poised to black out from the pain at any second.

Okay – maybe it wasn’t quite THAT bad … but when you’re in a room filled with thespians, you typically have to trump their ace.  Somehow I managed to get through the day in semi-debilitating pain.  I’m no fool.  I immediately called a massage therapist and then proceeded to take a few muscle relaxers.  Believe me, those muscle relaxers are so strong even the unattractive actors immediately got better looking.

I love all the things that make me a director.  I love my director’s chair.  I love saying “ACTION!” and “CUT!”  (I don’t wear an ascot or anything, but I’m considering getting one of those bullhorns to carry around with me for posterity.)  But Friday was definitely one of those days where I was humbled by the kindness of strangers.  And after an entire weekend of nursing my back along and catering to its every whim, I’m starting to feel human again.  And, yes, I am replacing my director’s chair with an ergonomic kneeling chair.  Thanks for caring.