Every year the company meeting comes and goes. And every year most PFormers are forced – at gunpoint – to participate in skits highlighting their department’s good deeds.
Of course, it’s rife for mockery. Thus, I give you the 2009 Company Meeting Awards.
The MIA Award: Accounting – who somehow, miraculously managed to avoid doing a skit this year. I don’t know which was worse – Accounting getting off scott-free – or hearing Phil yammer on about EBITDA.
The That’s Whack Award: Turns out Steve Booth was pretty fly for a white guy. Who knew he could rap so eloquently? Although he did oversee the editing process from start to finish so as not to look foolish. As if.
The Gritted Teeth Award: Tricia Cooper who looked like she’d rather be enduring childbirth or a root canal than talking to the masses. You did fine, Tricia. At least you didn’t have to rap.
The Justice Is Served Award: Aaron Edwards was bludgeoned to death. Well, in a dragon costume, anyway. Townspeople, peasants and paupers rejoiced. I secretly did a little happy dance as well.
The Sugary Goodness Award: Mike Joseph hurled stale Peeps to the peeps in the audience as part of his routine. Kari Fajen lost an eye. And that was just because she stabbed herself with a pencil to go home early.
The NKOTB Award: Caleb Brattrud, who has quickly become the most popular boy in the whole school. Who the hell is Caleb Brattrud? I’ve never seen anyone so adored in this building since Sarah Dehart worked here. It’s nauseating really. Stephen Kent – take notes.
The Clutch The Pearls Award: There was an audible gasp from the audience when Dave Admire announced we’d be getting the entire week of Xmas or New Years off. Yes, it’s like Xmas came early.
The Charm ‘Em If You Got ‘Em Award: The oh-so clever Kevin Kuzma and Jenni Valentino managed to wrap everyone around their little fingers. They’re comedy gold. Like Cheech and Chong. Or Abbott and Costello. Or Shields and Yarnell.
The Most Improved Award: Sales/Marketing brought their A-game to the table this year. Who doesn’t like a rousing game of Family Feud? It’s like one big family around here anyway. The feuding part comes naturally.