June 2007

Because I have connections and I am, after all, me … I can occasionally score free movie passes for the masses here at PlattForm. It makes me appear more important than I really am.

And let me tell you … PlattFormers love their free stuff. Doesn’t matter what it is or where it came from … as long as it doesn’t cost them a dime, they’re IN! There is nary one candy jar in this building with any chocolate in it – despite repeated attempts to replenish. If anyone brings in donuts – God help them. I’ve literally seen fights break out over who gets the last Krispy Kreme. Behold the power of powdered sugar.

Think I’m kidding?

Last week some PlattFormers were lucky enough to score a complimentary KC Chiefs’ Cheerleader calendar. And by lucky, I mean, they weren’t trampled to death in the melee at the front desk.

Every Friday during the summer, PlattForm generously provides lunch for everyone. Sometimes a taco bar. Sometimes BBQ. You’d think they were giving away an IPhone. PFormers start lining up around 7:15am until the CEO yells for everyone to get back to work.

Why are we like this? Because around here … it’s survival of the thriftiest.

True story … the soda machine here at PlattForm occasionally spits out two Diet Cokes. PFormers will actually hover around said machine anticipating hitting the jackpot. People who despise diet pop will break down and purchase a Diet Coke if the odds are good. You can actually hear the squeals of joy and glee throughout the building when the Coke Machine Gods are feeling generous.

Now, if you really want to score the good stuff – head to the basement. Downstairs, the peeps in the Media department apparently have the power over time and space. Their shrine of free stuff goes on ad nauseum. A limited 1st edition framed Grey’s Anatomy poster? Late Show with David Letter tix? Backstage passes to WWE’s Smackdown? Trips to Hawaii? Whatever you want … whatever your little heart desires … Media can get it for you in 3-5 business days. But that means you have to deal with the seedy underbelly of the Media Department. No good can come of that. The sign above their office says it all, “If you have to ask, you probably can’t afford it.”

The sign above my desk? “Ask and ye shall receive.” Which reminds me … who wants passes to the premiere of the new Transformers movie?

It’s already been said that PlattFormers know how to throw a birthday. We’re even better at it when the birthday girl doesn’t know it’s coming.

Rebecca Streeter, one of the head honchos of the Affiliate Marketing department here at PlattForm, had her 30th birthday last Friday. She made the very big mistake of being absent from work that Thursday. That, plus a last-minute raid on the arts and crafts closet, gave us the chance to transform her desk into a work of art that any pre-schooler would marvel at.

You can’t see it in the picture, but there’s also glitter all over her desk. Nothing says “We care!” like a jar of glitter dumped all over your desk. We also managed to wrap her entire chair (with a sweater draped over the back of it) in blue streamers.

We also posted a very special birthday message from local weatherman Gary Lezak on Rebecca’s computer desktop.

Rebecca was a very good sport about the whole thing. She e-mailed the Gary Lezak picture to her husband. (That’s his body that we pasted Gary’s head onto in the picture, by the way.) She also left the streamers on her chair for the entire day. I think she lodged one of the balloons behind my computer monitor, though.

So a word of warning to all PlattForm employees: Don’t miss work the day before your birthday. Clients, if we know your birthdays, that goes for you, too!

I genuinely like to write. I don’t care if I’m not familiar with the topic. I couldn’t care less about subject matter. I just like to pepper in my two cents’ worth. All I need is an outlet – a blog … a bathroom wall … makes no difference.

Take, for instance, my prison pen pal. Over the last few years, I’ve tried out some of my best material on him. It’s genius, really. Talk about a captive audience. Instead of reaching for the thesaurus, I’ll just ask him what he thinks. Usually, he thinks I need to send him money … but whatever.

But he does have those moments of sheer brilliance that I often covet. Lord knows he’s got a lot more time to be brilliant than I do.

I like to wrap my copy up in a nice little bow. Catchy intro … clever middle part thingy … and then BIG finish! And last week, I was racking my brain for some earth-shattering way to wrap up a new ad. Unfortunately, I’d written myself in to the proverbial corner.

So I did what any good writer in a jam would do: I asked my prison pen pal for input.

Seems he was transferring from one prison to another and didn’t really have time to answer my insipid questions. Seems he was being transferred back to his original prison which he liked infinitely better than where he was now. He quipped that he felt like he was moving forward by going back. It wasn’t quite that eloquent. In fact, it was riddled with swear words and various other sundry items.

But thanks to him, the new, “To move forward in life, sometimes you gotta go back – to school, that is,” campaign was born. Uh, swear words be damned. If only my military pen pal, my French pen pal and my Hawaiian pen pal were this helpful … I’d sure get a lot more accomplished around here.

Ever opened your mailbox and been amazed at the amount of direct mail inside? Ever wondered how you got so lucky? From the inside, here are just a few of the ways you can get on a mailing list.

Have you recently bought a car or a house? Do you have shopping cards for Price Chopper or Best Buy? Have you given money to a charity? How about a subscription to People Magazine? Have you completed a product registration form? These are just a few of the many ways direct mail companies find you.

So the next time you go to your mail box and have a mail piece for a new product or service, you’ll know how that company got your mail address. Direct marketers try to target their message based on their target demographics so the hope is that your “junk mail” will be of use to you and/or your household.

By Jenny Hartman

One of the philosophies we embrace at PlattForm is “Make Their Day.” The Interactive Content Development (ICD) team and Search Engine Optimizers (SEO) decided that the Quality Assurance (QA) group is incredibly fantastic and deserves to be rewarded. With all these acronyms, you might think PlattForm was a branch of the armed forces or perhaps fluent in teen speak. Anyway, the QA team not only corrects our grammar and ensures that nothing slips through the cracks, but they also keep us busy with a never-ending supply of dockets. Truly great people.

What could we do to show our appreciation for their hard work and positive attitudes? We began brainstorming ideas. We thought of baking cookies, picking up some doughnuts or buying them lunch. I also thought it would be fun to give them a cake frosted with incorrectly spelled words and insanely poor grammar, mostly for their reactions. I imagine them twitching or devouring it immediately.

Then we realized all of these ideas have been done time and time again. Don’t get me wrong – I’m a huge fan of free food and assume others are as well. After all, it always tastes better. But we wanted to try something new. The idea of a car wash was thrown out there sarcastically, along with English lessons. We decided to take the former idea seriously.

Workin’ at the car wash … whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

We bought rags, Armor All wipes, glass cleaner, auto air fresheners – I even brought in my R2-D2 -style Rainbow vacuum so that we could leave their interiors close to clean. They benefited from our hard work and manual labor, and we had the opportunity to learn more about the QA team than we ever needed to know. There’s an awful lot you can tell about a person by their car.

Dirt on QA

Here’s a compilation of observations from our insiders perspective:

• “By the number of ‘out of gas’ signs lighting up on dashboards, it was pretty obvious that we were washing cars the day before payday!” – Tracy B.
• “One of the Sarahs is secretly involved with high-level technological research teams that have actually learned how to fuse dirt and landfill into the shape of a working automobile for a greener future.” – Andy Schiller
• “Driving Nickie Gibbs’ SUV is sort of like being in a funhouse full of mirrors … the kind where you can see yourself reflected back endless times.” – Jenni Zammit
• “Now every time I smell anything artificially strawberry, vanilla, coconut or new car scented, know that I will think of each and every one of you.” – Matt Kluemper
• “It took us a long time (and Matt’s nose) to identify the scent of one of the sticky substances that we came across.” – Joe Mulvihill
• “Judging by the children’s car seat and endless supply of white hair in one vehicle, I detect that one QA team member has a baby that looks like this.” - Jenny Hartman
• “We found out QA puts more effort into their work than their cars (example, example, example). We discovered we had a bigger job ahead of us than we first thought.” – Cory Vance

Even though putting on a car wash was a larger endeavor than we first realized, the event was a total success. Thanks again, QA!